Today marks one week since made the big move to Corozal, Belize. It is hot and humid with one AC unit that we try to use periodically through the day. We have hot water, electricity, the home essentials, and even internet. We are living well and God has thoroughly blessed this transition. And yet, I still feel just as lost as I did when we prepping to come.

My sweet, precious baby. She has been a trooper in this move, and started to become a Mama's girl before we left. She likes to lay on my chest for comfort and let out soft, cute "hoos". Later, she will won't her 'ba-ba', a clean diapy, and a nap. We firmly embrace baby talk in our home. She depends on Mommy and Daddy to pick her up and comfort her when she's upset and/or in need. She's a baby; they're biologically programmed that way.

This afternoon after 'our' morning nap, we took a dip in our little pool to cool off. Afterwards, her and I came back to the room all cleaned off and fed, and she fell asleep on my chest. As I held her I thought of those who are so, so spiritually lost. I thought about those who so desperately need Mommy (the Church) and Daddy God to run to them, comfort them, feed them the bread of Life, and fill their thirsty souls. I thought about how so many are fighting the sleep God has to offer and freshness He brings in new life. I thought about how those who are lost, or maybe wandering, are fighting Him like a baby getting their diapy changed or wanting something that they don't need.

Even as a well-seasoned Christian, who has been through it and seen it, I am still very much a big baby in need of Mommy and Daddy. I still crave being bottled fed the Truth and love that is Christ Jesus. I still need to be picked up and held close and coaxed with shushes to calm down. I still need Jesus.

The last few weeks have been difficult as I desperately ask God to give me something - direction, vision, passion, word of encouragement - and yet, I feel like I'm sitting all alone by a lake listening to crickets chirp. Of course, there's that immature part of me that says, "Well, you've done it now. God has moved on to better things." Haha, silly, right. Thankfully, there that is seasoned part of me that reminds me that God is testing me and wanting me to stretch out of my comfort zone and grow. He wouldn't be wrong; He has allowed me time to cocoon for a while so that He could protect me through a healing process. He is so, so good!! 

The Door That Opened

New Life

You said, "Not yet." You said, "it's coming." You said, "be patient." You said, "I only told you to wait."

October 3rd began like any normal day. I knew I was either pregnant or going to get my period. I had already decided not to retest because, why have two negative tests? But, by 3pm that day I realized my body was giving me signs of something I couldn't comprehend. Tender breast, tired, and thirsty. I had also not felt like myself for over a week. All signs for what we are all thinking... am I pregnant?

We have been trying for four years. Four years of learning patience, acceptance, being told, "It's all in God's timing." Wanting to slap those people after the 5th time I heard the cliche. I learned and relearned patience.

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That was over 21 weeks ago. The test came back positive. POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST. In 21 weeks I have watched my body change in so many ways I have lost count. I have teased with friends that I am no longer in control of my body, which could not be truer. I have heard the sweetest thumping of a little baby's heartbeat. I have seen ultrasounds, and watched this beautiful baby inside ME, grow. SHE :) is growing. #wearegrowing That has been my cute #hashtag for our growing family on social media. We are growing in size (physically and figuratively), spirit, ministry.

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It has taken me so long to actually start and then complete this blog. What do I say that I has not already been said? What cute in-aweness can I deliver that another (finally) expectant Mommy hasn't?

At the beginning of this school year, just like last year, I prayed for a word that would describe my growth. I wanted growth. I would not avidly pursue it as I once did for many years, however, I would allow it to happen. I would welcome it with open arms and receive its transformation of spirit, body, and mind. Last year's word was freedom. God wanted to bring into the freedom I so craved from past mistakes. Freedom from every reason I consider were the reasons I was not getting pregnant. I mean, why would God bless us so incredibly we had issues to work out? That was in fact a blessing in of itself! This year's word has been delivered. Aren't those the same words? Well, why don't you ask the Israelites while they wandered the desert for 40 years FREE, but not delivered from their misfortunes and the strongholds on their lives, passed down from generation to generation. The 2 words are not the same, nor is the growth that is given from them. God wants me to be delivered along with being free. He doesn't just want me to leave sin and my past mistakes; He wants to deliver me into new life! And it just so happens that it took 7 years of marriage for this deliverance to happen... THANK GOD IT WASN'T 40!
Seven years. Seven. The number of completion. Not that my life is completed, but that God completed something in me and now it's time for something new. What Satan intended to use to destroy me, God made something new out of it! Healing has made me new. My marriage is new. My ministry is new. The eyes and heart that are seeing what God is doing in my life are.... new. This little girl, she is new!

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If you could teach your daughter ONE thing, what would it be? 
There is truth and promise in God's Word. 2 Corinthians 5:17 tells us that, "Therefore is anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old is gone, the new is here!"

She is here. She is growing. She is healthy, and we get to meet her in the newness of summer!

The sweetest heartbeat!

Both images are many weeks old, but this is our girl!