"Trust in Me", says the LORD

For a majority of my life I have despised feelings. Whether it has been feelings felt, or feelings I had to give - I don't like them. Some feel great, they are exciting, so exciting your heart burns and tears run down your face. Others are horrible, disgusting, burning but empty.........

Feelings can lead to thankfulness or anxiety and depression that leads to asking God "Why?" 

Why are You doing this to me? Why is my chest burning but empty and aching, and the only way to cure the ache is by holding my bear so close to my chest the two become one, and then the tears... they flood down my face like autumn rain through freshly cleaned rain gutters... It doesn't stop. I can hear myself sobbing, my voice whaling and wanting to be able to cover my mouth without suffocating myself more, but.... there's no cure. 

For years as a child I watched depression - this weird hormone effecting illness - victimize those I loved so dearly. Inevitability, the same destructing predator caught me and slowly over the years has tried to make me as one of its own. 

Until I got the opportunity to walk a friend through the same storm I never realized how strong the winds really were. Now here I am, day 3 of fighting the aches, sensitivity and tears that want to break free; I finally decided that enough was enough and I was going to take back my life. It still hurts though. The worry is still grabbing at me through the prison cells I have it locked away in in my mind and it reminds me of the fear of my next post-op check up. Will everything be okay? 

Will I get the news I need? I need to hear that things are okay. I need to know that I don't have to continue taking medicine that is only triggering the madness that is wreaking havoc in my body. I need to know that another surgery is not on the horizon. I NEED TO KNO..... 

"No you don't..." Trust in ME, says the Lord. 

John 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me."

Psalm 18:2 - The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my Strength, in whom I will; my Shield and the horn of my salvation, my Stronghold. 

TO BE CONTINUED......