Two year old tantrums in your 20's are something else, because you know your strength could break quite a few things, you know all the bad words and a few in other languages, crying is a terrible look on you, and anybody near enough to see or hear you thinks you belong in an insane asylum. I am not saying that I don't.... but, I digress.
My schedule has changed about 7 billion times, my sleep schedule hates me, my digestive system has been in cahoots with my lady systems, and my brain has been trying to escape it all. I recently read a "Did you know?" little fun fact on Facebook that while sleeping between 3 and 4 AM your body does this weird thing where it basically dies.... oddly enough I am normally wide awake at around 3:30.... every. single. night.... does that make me immortal?!
This school year I am teaching Bible to 4th, 5th, and 6th grade students. Some classes are funner and easier than others, and the others force me to remember that I am a Bible teacher and there are some things I just can't say or do. I'm human. Overall, though, I have seen God work mightily like last year. He enjoys helping those He loves to grow, get uncomfortable, squirm in their seat... and He does not care if you have a temper tantrum. Well, I assume this is so because He sees me having them and He hasn't stuck me in a straitjacket.
"If you don't struggle, you won't grow." -- God spoke this to me last year and I have kept it near to my heart and shared it with others many times since. I am here to be an example, I mean, hello He has purposed me to teach His Word this school year... what?! So why am I struggling? Why does He have to make teaching His Word so hard? I have to walk into a classroom trusting that He is going to speak through me instead of me standing there just rambling about only HE knows what. But, if I don't struggle, I won't grow. If I am not convicted to be better in front of these students while teaching them, gaining difficulty while trying to teach about the greatness of our God, am I even doing it right?
Seriously, am I?
This has been... yes, a struggle for me this year as I applied for college and didn't get in... YET, as we learned my husband was denied a visa and we could be facing different cost and separation so we can resolve this, as I started doctor's visits to diffuse an issue (God is currently healing), as I work tirelessly to be there for friends who desperately need me, as I make lesson plans and pray to God that He will indeed use my notes to speak through me, and lastly, as I day in and day out try to accept myself for who I am and remember that I am not perfect.
I know there is a saying that there is "No rest for the weary." and God calls us to rest our weary head on Him (Matthew 11:28), but can a girl get a vacation soon?
I recently went to a Bible study that I did not want to attend, it's actually why I had a "little" tantrum as mentioned above. I'm an introvert, who suffers from social anxiety, and after teaching all day I would really love to come home and unwind and take care of my loved ones. But, nonetheless God had something He needed me to hear and so I gave Him an attitude and He gave me smile, pat on the back, and made sure I had a ride. Oh Jesus. *insert eye roll*
At this Bible study we discussed 1 Peter 3:1-6, and verse 6 in particular hit me hard. Let me note that this was at the beginning of the study.... God had me go for the beginning, errr... YOU couldn't have just given me this verse to read at home?
Verse 5-6
For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
Do what is right without any fear. Do not give way to fear. For someone who never really struggles with fear, who completely trusts God all of the time because I know He works good things for those who love Him (Romans 8:28), my recent struggle has been fear. I still completely believe what I just typed, I trust Him because I know His promises, but I have been fearful of what those promises might actually be and if I will be okay with them. I understand that they will be good for me.... but no one asked me if I wanted those plans... whatever they are. In reading that God reminded me of my favorite verse in the Bible, Matthew 6:34,
"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Jesus speaking)
My question for myself (and anyone reading this), what is there to be afraid of, or worry about when the God of all creation is perfectly designing our lives and has already revealed beautiful promises to us? You might be thinking, "I have desires, places in my heart that need to be filled, specific treasures that my heart longs for." Spoiler alert: Jesus knows. The cool thing about His plans is that not only does He know, but He will purposely put a change in your heart to fit what He has for you. Those things you desire, He will give them to you but in a way that you are TRULY going to love, because He knows you better than you know yourself. "I want it this way!!" But I/you don't.
Because a dear friend of mine is suffering from depression right now I want to extend this challenge I gave to her. I have challenged her to lay down all that she is carrying, giving up all control of the things she cannot change, and be willing to allow God to change her. Encouraging and reminding her that she is capable of these things because God has over and over made Himself real in her life and she has seen it with her own eyes. You have seen it too, whether you want to admit or not, we all have!
Lay down that stuff that is too hard to carry, surrender it back to Him, and allow Him to change you and your heart, especially concerning your desires.
"He has made me glad, O, he has made me glad! I will rejoice for He has made me glad!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jukcsdEUHU
