Needless to say, I pondered that, and then wondered if I was giving off the same vibe to others. I was giving myself that vibe. I say this because in my growth, seeking Jesus, and allowing God to unveil His truth to me, I have also been given the gift of freedom from past trials and God is in the works of fully delivering me. Praise God for His goodness and grace!! He has given the gift of fresh eyes and introducing me to this new road in how I respond and react to life's circumstances. Even in the moments of temptation! I now approach them with gentleness as God gives me discernment for that specific moment.
I have seen this picture on different social media outlets (I do not own rights).....
And it's so true and relatable for me. I do remember the days when I jumped in angst at what was uncomfortable to me. I remember praying for God to clear my head and clean my thoughts to match His. I remember begging God to make each day easier (depending on that life season). I remember asking God to protect my heart, mind, mouth, ears, and eyes from anything that could be a stumbling block for myself or others (I still pray this over myself). I remember praying for God to keep me aware of my thoughts, actions, and words (I still pray this, too). I remember praying for God to keep me content in the lonely times. I remember praying for God to only give me what I need and help me to be patient when I wanted something that wasn't in His timing. I remember the urgency in my hunger to be more. I remember crying as I waited for God to wipe my tears with answers. I cannot even begin to express how beautiful it is to be able to look around in my life and see the ways God has let His glory shine.
Last night as I sat with a friend working on our women's bible study, I remembered over year ago when God began shutting doors to my friendships. I had begun praying for God to protect me in various ways. His first way was removing everything I thought I needed and truly teaching me what it meant for me to proclaim that He is Enough, as I have it tattooed on my left wrist. I thought I needed relationships and approval. I thought I needed emotional support and stability, and that I would find it in another human being. I thought I needed this sense of family I didn't think I already had. Through supplication and confessing in my wrong-doings, God began building this wall around my heart. A wall that would teach me to be more cautious of how I treat my heart. A wall that would keep me content and not wanting things that I didn't need. A wall that protects me from negativity and toxic-ness as God continues to reconstruct my heart, mind, and spirit. As He renovates the places that have cracks, He polishes my mind, and gives my heart a new foundation made of wisdom, discernment, and His Word.
I remember praying for these things. I still pray for them because Jesus tells us to remain humble. He resists the proud and blesses the humble. I don't want to miss out on God's gifts!
As I am learning who "Jenn" is, I am learning that she fiercely loves Jesus and craves His great works. She is soft to speak, but can roar like a lion. She has a hard time speaking to and in front of adults, but she comes alive speaking to kids. She's an ambivert (INTP-A). She has no beginning nor an end. God picked her like a weed in a field of wild flowers and decided that she was just enough to make a difference in a world that needed change. She's a mad-dog about growth and always looking for ways to improve... but she also really enjoys resting/sleeping, ha!
My mission statement over my life:
Philippians 3:12-14
12 Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that or which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. 13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
12 Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that or which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. 13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Lately, as I pray, in groups especially, God has given me the words, "Let there be glory. Let us see Your glory. Let us know Your glory." I am not perfect, but I press on with my faith in Jesus. He has gifted me glory, and for that I give Him glory. I look forward to glancing back later to see and remember what I am praying for now.
