Vows

"I, Jennifer, take you, Phillip as my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance."

Nine years ago I stated those words to my husband with the intent to abide by every word. I knew on the back-burner that life would happen, but at 18 years old I hadn't processed the unthinkable chaos that could potentially ensue. I never imagined hurting him in ways that he'd never hurt me. I never imagined that there would be days I'd dip my toes in the idea of the unspeakable "D" word that should never be spoken in marriage. We have maybe said that word twice in our nine years, in obvious joking. 

Several years ago I slipped into my own blind spot and lost myself in a forbidden darkness of confusion and sin. I let my guard down, though, I'm not sure if there was ever a time that I had it up. I allowed my freely giving heart to be coerced by the idea that I had chosen poorly... or worse, that I'd been chosen poorly. During that time I was surrounded in conversation with others who were just a few years older than me, but longing for intimate companionship. Everything that they described with deep desire, I had with my Phillip. And I felt undeserving. They were older, some wiser, and they seemed to want it so much more. At 18 years old, I hadn't been looking for what they were looking for, it just came to me and I let it in, and I never let it go. You don't let a love like this go. I let temptation dance around in my head. I allowed conversations to let me wander into "what ifs." And worst of all, I allowed my heart to get swept away by this fantasy of, "what if I traded what I have, for what I want now that I'm in my early 20's and free!?" Guys, I was in trouble, and it took a while, a painful while, that would require repentance and healing, and so much forgiveness to reroute my heart from the dangerous cliff I was headed off of. 

Eventually, a few years ago, I crashed hard. My heart was left shattered, truth came out to my Phillip, and just when I thought that maybe I'd pushed him away completely, he pulled me in tighter. Love pulled me in and showed me where it went south. Love forgave me a lot quicker than I forgave myself. Love was patient with me as I navigated my way to healing and restoration. Love held my hand as I became aware of everything and everyone around me. It didn't happen overnight, not the mending. The gluing of my broken, shattered, dust sized pieces of my heart didn't fit back together like before. God began creating something new and even more beautiful from the ashes of burned sin... burning that left scarring. My heart is still able to feel the pain if I let it, but I don't. There's nothing to visit or to feel except smutty sin and smoke inhalation. The hell that I put myself, my marriage, and nearly my ministry in is unforgettable to me. 

Since that period of my life, I decided that on the night, pre-whatever new ministry was starting the next day, or this on our anniversary, I would wash Phillip's feet and quote new vows to him. See, the traditional vows are special, but they are the goal on the surface. My marriage, all marriages really, needs vows for the deep places that the sun doesn't shine. And those don't come for long term, because like the ocean, life changes constantly in the deep. Our lives and marriage has seen a lot of change in nine years, including 3+ countries. I have been praying over this year's vows already. I have been starting this process by communicating with Phillip to understand where his heart is exactly and what that beautiful organ needs from me in the foreseeable future. 

Daddy God, I ask that you pour Your sweetness into my heart. A warmth that burns like lava for my Phillip. I ask that You go before me and meet me on my days of unbelief and restore my heart to see Your glory. I pray that on the days that my thoughts cloud my judgment, that You will give me clarity to communicate effectively with Phillip. I pray that my awareness does not get blind sided as I mother my sweet girl. I pray for healing everyday, no matter how small the wound, I ask for healing. I ask that You help me stay one-step under Phillip in submission. I pray for his leadership and that he is able to keep a sober mind to see which direction You are leading us. I pray that You strengthen him like Moses, and send him encourage-rs to help shift his weight as he lives to honor and serve You. Bless Phillip, Jesus. Bless him like You did with feeding 5,000. I pray that You give him an abundance of wisdom and grace in his leadership ministry. I ask that You give him a sense of wholeness in his roles; that he knows that he is enough. I ask these things in Jesus name. Amen.

I don't how often it is that you pray for your spouse, and if I'm honest, it's usually once a week or every other week for me. Pray for your spouse. Pray for their heart. Pray for their relationship with God. Consider your vows. What are you committing to your spouse? In what ways can you improve in your role as a spouse? 

1 Peter 3: 1-7 NASB
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

Psalm 51:10 NASB
Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Ezekiel 36:26
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

8 months later...

June 6th, 2019, Natalie made us parents and turned life "right sass-ways." Ha. Granted, in her 8 short months, Natalie has lived in the States, Belize, and now Jordan and has been present for Israel, Turkey, and France. A few weeks before she was born I had a dream that included her God-mother that went like so: her Taeta and I were sitting together and Taeta was hoping to see N kick in-womb. N did, but it was like my abdomen was transparent, and we could see stamps on her feet. It was in that dream it was confirmed that she is stamped and ready for the mission-field. She will serve the kingdom through missions and bringing Jesus to the lost and broken. She will highlight purpose in the lives of others, bringing hope and truth to tired souls. We will teach her that her calling isn't a 'must-do,' but a responsibility. It is her responsibility to fulfill the mission of God that God has given her.

In the mean time, my responsibility...
This morning I pondered back on previous posts and saw God. I saw where He gave me the word "Qualified" as a tattoo before I was certain I was even getting a tattoo. I saw where He revealed the glory He had displayed in my life and how prevalent His anointing is in my life. Have you ever seen God in 2 places at once? We know He is omnipotent, but have we seen it and experienced it?

John 11:40
Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?"

Isaiah 40:5
And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all people will see it together. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken."

Isaiah and Jesus tell us that we will see the glory of the Father. We will see the miracles that Moses, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob saw... it's not over.

I have always been a mad-dog for spiritual growth and self-improvement, but I have learned that as a mother, there is little-to-no-time for expanding myself. With this in mind, I have had to take a few steps back and observe those in similar situations and learn how they continue to connect with God and focus on their family, allowing themselves to get lost in their purpose and God-identity. My answer, my growth, and my discipline is to simple fill myself up on his Word. I will not look for growth, I will look to be filled because my job right now is to be a vessel that is being continuously pouring out.

Philippians 3: 12-14

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

New Life

You said, "Not yet." You said, "it's coming." You said, "be patient." You said, "I only told you to wait."

October 3rd began like any normal day. I knew I was either pregnant or going to get my period. I had already decided not to retest because, why have two negative tests? But, by 3pm that day I realized my body was giving me signs of something I couldn't comprehend. Tender breast, tired, and thirsty. I had also not felt like myself for over a week. All signs for what we are all thinking... am I pregnant?

We have been trying for four years. Four years of learning patience, acceptance, being told, "It's all in God's timing." Wanting to slap those people after the 5th time I heard the cliche. I learned and relearned patience.

..........

That was over 21 weeks ago. The test came back positive. POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST. In 21 weeks I have watched my body change in so many ways I have lost count. I have teased with friends that I am no longer in control of my body, which could not be truer. I have heard the sweetest thumping of a little baby's heartbeat. I have seen ultrasounds, and watched this beautiful baby inside ME, grow. SHE :) is growing. #wearegrowing That has been my cute #hashtag for our growing family on social media. We are growing in size (physically and figuratively), spirit, ministry.

...........

It has taken me so long to actually start and then complete this blog. What do I say that I has not already been said? What cute in-aweness can I deliver that another (finally) expectant Mommy hasn't?

At the beginning of this school year, just like last year, I prayed for a word that would describe my growth. I wanted growth. I would not avidly pursue it as I once did for many years, however, I would allow it to happen. I would welcome it with open arms and receive its transformation of spirit, body, and mind. Last year's word was freedom. God wanted to bring into the freedom I so craved from past mistakes. Freedom from every reason I consider were the reasons I was not getting pregnant. I mean, why would God bless us so incredibly we had issues to work out? That was in fact a blessing in of itself! This year's word has been delivered. Aren't those the same words? Well, why don't you ask the Israelites while they wandered the desert for 40 years FREE, but not delivered from their misfortunes and the strongholds on their lives, passed down from generation to generation. The 2 words are not the same, nor is the growth that is given from them. God wants me to be delivered along with being free. He doesn't just want me to leave sin and my past mistakes; He wants to deliver me into new life! And it just so happens that it took 7 years of marriage for this deliverance to happen... THANK GOD IT WASN'T 40!
Seven years. Seven. The number of completion. Not that my life is completed, but that God completed something in me and now it's time for something new. What Satan intended to use to destroy me, God made something new out of it! Healing has made me new. My marriage is new. My ministry is new. The eyes and heart that are seeing what God is doing in my life are.... new. This little girl, she is new!

........

If you could teach your daughter ONE thing, what would it be? 
There is truth and promise in God's Word. 2 Corinthians 5:17 tells us that, "Therefore is anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old is gone, the new is here!"

She is here. She is growing. She is healthy, and we get to meet her in the newness of summer!

The sweetest heartbeat!

Both images are many weeks old, but this is our girl!

Let There Be Glory

Back in February, the 22nd to be exact, I wrote in my journal addressing God that I wanted this calendar year to be a year of learning who "Jenn" is and learning to fall in love with her. Funny thing is, yesterday I was reading the material for my women's bible study and it mentioned a story including the author. Basically, her father met her teenage boyfriend (many years ago) who was "still finding himself", to which the father later told his daughter that he didn't know his feelings on the young man since he wasn't sure who he was speaking with. The young man hadn't found himself, yet.

Needless to say, I pondered that, and then wondered if I was giving off the same vibe to others. I was giving myself that vibe. I say this because in my growth, seeking Jesus, and allowing God to unveil His truth to me, I have also been given the gift of freedom from past trials and God is in the works of fully delivering me. Praise God for His goodness and grace!! He has given the gift of fresh eyes and introducing me to this new road in how I respond and react to life's circumstances. Even in the moments of temptation! I now approach them with gentleness as God gives me discernment for that specific moment. 

I have seen this picture on different social media outlets (I do not own rights).....

And it's so true and relatable for me. I do remember the days when I jumped in angst at what was uncomfortable to me. I remember praying for God to clear my head and clean my thoughts to match His. I remember begging God to make each day easier (depending on that life season). I remember asking God to protect my heart, mind, mouth, ears, and eyes from anything that could be a stumbling block for myself or others (I still pray this over myself). I remember praying for God to keep me aware of my thoughts, actions, and words (I still pray this, too). I remember praying for God to keep me content in the lonely times. I remember praying for God to only give me what I need and help me to be patient when I wanted something that wasn't in His timing. I remember the urgency in my hunger to be more. I remember crying as I waited for God to wipe my tears with answers.  I cannot even begin to express how beautiful it is to be able to look around in my life and see the ways God has let His glory shine. 

Last night as I sat with a friend working on our women's bible study, I remembered over year ago when God began shutting doors to my friendships. I had begun praying for God to protect me in various ways. His first way was removing everything I thought I needed and truly teaching me what it meant for me to proclaim that He is Enough, as I have it tattooed on my left wrist. I thought I needed relationships and approval. I thought I needed emotional support and stability, and that I would find it in another human being. I thought I needed this sense of family I didn't think I already had. Through supplication and confessing in my wrong-doings, God  began building this wall around my heart. A wall that would teach me to be more cautious of how I treat my heart. A wall that would keep me content and not wanting things that I didn't need. A wall that protects me from negativity and toxic-ness as God continues to reconstruct my heart, mind, and spirit. As He renovates the places that have cracks, He polishes my mind, and gives my heart a new foundation made of wisdom, discernment, and His Word.

I remember praying for these things. I still pray for them because Jesus tells us to remain humble. He resists the proud and blesses the humble. I don't want to miss out on God's gifts!

As I am learning who "Jenn" is, I am learning that she fiercely loves Jesus and craves His great works. She is soft to speak, but can roar like a lion. She has a hard time speaking to and in front of adults, but she comes alive speaking to kids. She's an ambivert (INTP-A). She has no beginning nor an end. God picked her like a weed in a field of wild flowers and decided that she was just enough to make a difference in a world that needed change. She's a mad-dog about growth and always looking for ways to improve... but she also really enjoys resting/sleeping, ha! 

My mission statement over my life:

Philippians 3:12-14
12 Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that or which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. 13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Lately, as I pray, in groups especially, God has given me the words, "Let there be glory. Let us see Your glory. Let us know Your glory." I am not perfect, but I press on with my faith in Jesus. He has gifted me glory, and for that I give Him glory. I look forward to glancing back later to see and remember what I am praying for now. 

Push Through

I've read the articles. I've heard the stories. "I can't do this." "The voices are too loud." "My body hurts." "The fear is captivating."

I have always been sympathetic to those with this pain. I was the one to just try to help them push through, but I didn't understand the battle that they were fighting. And now I wonder... how in the world did they do it? I'm there. I feel the tightness in my stomach that is also butterflies. I feel the pain in my chest. I feel the pressure in my neck, shoulders, and arms. I feel the air in my trachea that doesn't know which way to go, "should I stay in the lungs or leave the body in trembling breaths?" My legs don't know whether to try to force calmness, or to succumb to the agitation moving through my body. What do I do? Where is my safe place? Take me to my safe place!!

I have wondered how my Mom endured this horrible illness. She was a single Mom, she had to provide, and work, and take care of two kids who had no idea what her monsters were... that's so sad. My Mom couldn't just escape to church when she wanted to, and she didn't have many people to talk with... she was alone. If you fit that description, please know that you are not alone.

I have carried this burden with me for years. I witnessed it and I ran from it like the plague. I'm not supposed to struggle like that. When I opened up to my Mom about it she said the same thing, "You're close with God, this shouldn't be an issue for you." Unfortunately, each and every one of us will struggle with something and it's not really something you choose. At least, not many of my struggles have been by choice. Yeah, some were consequences and punishments, but I didn't choose anxiety. I didn't choose to score a 19 on an anxiety disorder test. I didn't choose to read questions and realize how much I have changed... I didn't change, I got hidden.

In this school year my consistent prayer to God has been, "Keep me aware of my thoughts, actions, and words. Protect my mind, mouth, ears, heart, and eyes. In Jesus name." With this in my mind, and as my mentor tells me, I have become a little extra hyper-vigilant. A symptom of anxiety is over-thinking. I get a thought that isn't normal for me, I give it thought. Where is that coming from? What's it root, is it a weed, or is it something that needs my time?
I have watched God change my thought process. I don't speak the same way.

During December, I got the opportunity to travel alone without my husband. God had asked me to step beyond my entire comfort zone, travel for an entire month alone, not even in the same country, and minister. In that time, my time was my own, and I realized just how intentional I could be. I saw where my time and thoughts. I went to Jesus. I sought after Him in a way that went beyond what I had previously been doing! I couldn't wait to apply those principles to my life, my marriage and my ministry in Bethlehem.

I got back to Bethlehem and life hit... as it typically does. Satan found me in my confidence and he tried me. I realized that my faith was in a great place, but I was not being humble. I asked God to humble my faith. I asked God to set me straight. A few weeks later this anxiety came out of the shadows and began roaring it's ugly head. Again, I'm aware of what is going on. I'm not afraid of it. I'm not in control, but I'm not afraid... but hear me, it did bring fear, I just knew Who is in control. I know my Father. My God gave me a word to "Push through." Push through everything in the second paragraph. I trust God that He is still working good things because He knows that I love Him (Romans 8:28). His Word tells me in Deuteronomy 31:6 to be strong and courageous. I get to choose to breathe through the pain. I get to choose to know what I need and to know that my Jesus, my Savior has not forsaken me.

Happy Easter and Resurrection, every day!

Philippians 4:11-13
Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content. I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry both to abound and to suffer need. I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (emphasis added)

In my devotion, I have found this song by a dear friend and it is a PUSH in my faith to seek Him further. I encourage you to listen. Know My Father - Rebekah Bullard

Broken Vessels

A vision of a vessel sitting in the kingdoms of Heaven. I see Him, God, walk over and pick one up and hold it with pride. This vessel, that He created with His pottery loving hands; He cherishes it. This vessel, with all of its cracks, chipping, breaks so big that they are only holes at the point. He holds it, wiping His right hand over its rough grooves and dry shavings whisk away in His presence.

I see Him take this ordinary piece of clay vessel to a stool and He begins adding holy water to it... He makes sure to drench it on the outside, while the inside runs over at the brim. Even with cracks, the brittle chipping, and the holes... His masterpiece is being refurbished in His presence. He smiles.



I sit with tears streaming down my face replaying this vision that God has been giving me over my own life. I see and feel my cracks. I get bruised and chipped by life's circumstances and there are even these big, gaping holes. No matter how much time I spend with Jesus, and it's a lot, I still feel dry and craving more. My insecurities tell me I'm not doing enough. Spoiler alert: I will never do enough, but that just means that our limitless God gives more. He's our Provider. And He holds me with pride and He smiles, and He wipes His hand over my rough edges to remove the dry dust that leaves me feeling gross and used up. Worthless.

This morning in my devotion I shared some hurt with Jesus and these words came to me, again, because they are words that He has given me before...

"Clean the cracks and replace the dirt with gold. Your glory."

Greatest part is that is already His goal! He wants to use our vessels to bring Him glory.

This last month I got to travel to the states to be at a friends wedding, visit friends and family, and to do some ministry within the American culture. Each morning I woke up and spent time reminding Jesus that He could use me as He saw fit. Reminder: He won't use what He doesn't have permission to use. 

As I transition from my time there to being back in Bethlehem; my schedules are sorting themselves out, I still cannot bring to words the glory of God I got to witness in the month of December. In my best words, one of the most overwhelming parts was visiting a church that I had not gone to in 10 years. I took a friend with me to see Eddie James Ministry in worship - I LOVE TO WORSHIP and I found every opportunity I could to do so. Prior to even packing for the trip, God put on my heart to buy a onesie and pray over my future family, the baby that will wear that onesie, and the mother. He would guide me to who that mother is and pass on the onesie. I had an idea of what it would be like and how hard it would be for me, but I wasn't quite prepared for the magnitude and the fresh eyes of Jesus I would get to witness. Fast forward to the night of worship... I didn't go anticipating to receive this move of God in me; I was just there to worship my Jesus. Half way in I took the realization that I was definitely there for ministry to God who simply said, "Get ready." I returned to worship and looked up to see this woman worshipping. God told me then, "That's her." "Okay."

I couldn't have fathomed what was coming next. I went up to pray for her at the altar, and we were both praying in the Spirit. I knew immediately that something was going on, but I couldn't grasp it. Seconds later, my eyes closed in prayer, God guided my hand to her stomach however when I had knowledge of this, two things came to mind... 1) No way, this is not happening. 2) I know exactly what's going on here.

A minute later I had returned to my own worship, as had she, but then God gave me a vision of her. I had only had a small glimpse of this woman, but I could see her fully in my head. I could also see God wanting to fill her with His peace and He said, "It's coming." "....okay." I knew what to do.

Tears, tears, and more overwhelmed-by-His-glory tears... Nothing could have prepared me for her answer to my question, "What is this in reference to?" "A baby." I went to my bag, I got the onesie, and told her what I could through my speechlessness.

Later I learned that she has struggled with 27 years of infertility. WHAT?! God!!

How did I go from being a broken, dry vessel, to that... YOU used ME to do THAT? I say as I look at my right wrist for the 1,000,000,000th time, "Qualified."

I pray if you have read this testimony that you will allow God to begin to fill those unflattering places in your heart, mind, and body with His glory. I pray that His living water will drench you from your inside-out, overflowing at the brim. I pray that you will live boldly beyond all that the world wants to say towards you. I pray that no matter what life's circumstances have you bonded to a life of "ordinary" living will be broken. Jesus came to Paul and used him...

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father who loved us and by His grace gave us eternal comfort and a wonderful hope, comfort you and strengthen you in every good thing you do and say. 

The Onesie - 1 Samuel 1:27-28

For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him. Therefore I have lent him to the Lord. As long as he lives, he is lent to the Lord.” And he worshiped the Lord there.

Pray for Samuel, and his Mommy and Daddy, Laurie and Wes. 

Day of Grace

If you are a regular reader of my blogs then you know by now that I enjoy reflecting. Really, I just like seeing how God moved in that situation, and then He gives me a cool perspective while I write.

Last summer I sat with my mentor on her living room floor and she helped me build my testimony story. We titled it "My Day of Grace." August 19th, 1999,  Jesus took my Daddy to be with Him in Heaven. The events that followed that day were to be the cause of what made me, me.

I would soon deal with struggles far beyond my years. I would become independent with what my single mom provided me. I would struggle in school and do the absolute bare minimum. I would be bullied and misunderstood. I would gain perspective and understanding. And, I would gain wisdom and a sense of knowledge that I didn't quite know what to do with.

In all of these things, it crafted me into who God needed me to be, and then He began chiseling away.
Instead of just independent, He made me strong. Instead of just a bad student, He made me teachable to His Spirit. Instead of just bullied and misunderstood, He made me encouraging and passionate for serving others.

I might have been fatherless on Earth, but He was teaching me as a Father teaches His child. I would 'fall' and He was still there waiting for me to ask for His help.

One day I finally accepted Him as more than my Father, but as my best friend and Lord of my heart. He then followed that event with a mentor. He was still chiseling away at my heart. She would poke and prod and stare into my soul waiting for me to pick up the wisdom she knew I had and use it. I started to learn what family was.

Years went by and I grew more into my spiritual clothing. One day came that I met this "servant of God" to the states and I learned about this life where you could travel the world and tell people about Jesus. Every bell in my heart rang!!! Traveling! Jesus! Send me, Father! I'll go! Two years later at kids camp God knocked on the door of my heart again... "Children's Ministry!" Yes, Lord! Send me! I'll go!


One month and a half later, in the summer of 2010... I was dating my husband... that I met at that camp.

Oh the places we would go, ministering to different teens! God had called my husband to minister to youth and so we served there. I waited for my moment. I knew it was coming. I would see the day that I got to be "crazy Mrs. Jenn who teaches us about Jesus!"

2015... the call came. Go to Bethlehem. Some of them haven't heard and they need YOU.
Okay, God! Send us, we'll go!! A total of four bags, and an eighteen hour trip later... hello Bethlehem!
We served, worked, prayed, worshipped, got frustrated, cried, made friends, traveled, and God still beckons our hearts for this land.

2017... we are still here. We still love it. And on my "Day of Grace" I get to start my dream job as the Children's Pastor.  How does that even happen?!
Yesterday I sat with a friend and shared about how today was THAT day, as in it's THAT sad day as I mourn what my father and I lost, but it's also THAT day that changed my life for the better! I was asked how do I feel about it and I responded with mixed feelings. "I don't really have time tomorrow to just mourn and do nothing.........wait a minute......*looks to heaven*, Okay God, now THAT is funny!!" It was in that moment that I realized what God had just done. He is good, guys.

All the struggle, pain, the days where God overwhelms, and also the days where it seems as He has broken our hearts... it's all for a purpose. Thank You, Jesus.

2 Corinthians 4:16-17
Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.